i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
