note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
