i think my tv is drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
