I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
