just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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