watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
