is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
