I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize