I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im holly from the hills drunk
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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