the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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