I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
