Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
