Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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