my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
