Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
