Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
