well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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