I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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