Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
