i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i have two assholes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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