Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
