i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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