last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize