I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
