How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
