so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
