I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
