i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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