he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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