i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
