And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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