Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
