I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
