I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
