so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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