I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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