i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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