I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
