kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
