You're completely useless in the revolution.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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