Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
