literally had 100 drinks last night.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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