I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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