dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
