my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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