so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am naked and annoyed.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
