Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize