I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
