does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
