I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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