I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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