He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
