Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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