somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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