Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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