He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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