I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
