how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
