You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
