I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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