Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
