Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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