Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
