I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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