So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
