whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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