At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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