I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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