I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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