Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
