do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
