the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
