I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
