the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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