Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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