sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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